Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
