He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
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I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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