you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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