I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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