The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
