i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it's great music for shaving your balls
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
