yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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