I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
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Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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