are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
