i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My bed smells like the plague
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
