im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
