He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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