I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
