The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
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Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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