so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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