i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
