I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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