So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
