i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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