I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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