So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
