you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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