you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
