This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
