I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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