the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
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There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
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he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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