You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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