idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just had sex on a roof
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
