Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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