And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
