am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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