when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
