so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
