I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
