Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
