she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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