Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
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Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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