i don't like sucking hair
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was confusing and full of hummus
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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