Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
