how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
