Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
