....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
