I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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