apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Be still, my beating vagina.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
