New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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