I'm eating all of the evidence.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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