I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Someone signed my nipple.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
that may or may not have been my penis.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
