The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
