if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
