My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
