It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
