Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
