It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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