You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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