Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
