Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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