My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
