My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
