she woke up with a sticky ear
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
