tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
