soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
