any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
