I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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